Poetry – 2016 Newsletters – Volumes 1 – 5

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The poetry that follows is taken from each one of my newsletters – enjoy!

After reading them, check out my Current Newsletter and Past Newsletters tabs.  Each poem below is tied to its own individual newsletter, filled with interesting and thought provoking reading content I know you’ll appreciate and enjoy 🙂

From 2016 Newsletter – Volume 5


One day I reached for you
To know that
Peace had wiggled its way
Into each of our hearts
Where at last
I knew who you were
You knew who I was

Silent words
Wrapped their arms around each of us
We understood
That neither of us
Meant to hurt one another

We went through rough times
Words of others
Extracted us
From being able to allow our ears to listen

As years went by
We learned though
And this allowed us both to grow

That last day that we talked
I want you to know
I heard you
If you didn’t hear me then
I know you do now
Without a doubt
In Heaven

I am left a little hollow
Like a red plastic cup
Turned over
On the floor
Next to my feet
That I try
Again and again
To set back upright
With my toes
So I can fill it back to the top
But it only continues
To knock itself over

I force myself to sit
In the shell of myself
Empowered to feel vacant
As my heart digests
My gut feelings after your death

Caught off guard
By the sudden wash
Of reminders
That encompass
The revelations
That you were always on my side
And that
Despite no biological ties
I was still your daughter
If it meant you had to fight
– Family members –
Who made horrible statements
That we were not your children
Still stood by us

Know that

I feel that there must be a place that we go
When we die
That I’ll see you again
When it is my time
So I can hug you
Tell you that I’m grateful
That you cared
That you saw me
And that
I saw the kindness in your heart
Along with the torment
You radiated
As you tried to navigate with
A child
So torn from her past
It almost destroyed us both

Rest in peace
I love you

© Kim Friesen

From 2016 Newsletter – Volume 4

For years
My heart lay in your hands
Steady beats
You chose in haste
Or in calculated action
More often than not
To try and break meOver the years
I’ve surrendered
You were supposed to be smarter
I was unworthySelf-imposed to the depths of my arduous mind and soul
I retreated
Lost in thoughts, in early years, of suicide
I believed I would never be remembered
That it never mattered if I were here from one day to the next
Certain that I could never measure up to your elusive standards
Instead I taunted myself
With the razor blade I’d placed in front of me
Drops of blood
The gleam of metal flickered, it smiledSobered now
By these memories
l sit
That you tried to kill my spirit
That you tried to force me to take my own life
That you tried to rid yourself of my call for justiceSome tribal voice spoke to me one day
“You are you, you are enough, you are worth it”
It screamed
It permeated every layer of my being
Like a fire before the flame ignites,
Trust in myself pooled inside my heart, constructedBreath in, breath out
My diaphragm readied for warAs days became years
Your attempts to eradicate my soul
Continued to fail
Seeds were planted
Wisdom and
Love for who I am
And were watered daily
I held my new traits, close
They intertwined within meEven when you tried
Your usual deception and manipulation
To silence me
You failed
The wings that I’d been given
Allowed me to fly now
To a space where I could healThe trees once barren from your words
Now blossomed
As thought patterns unravelled
To make way for even more flowers to burst open inside of meReminded
That somewhere, somehow I could be recognized as a gift
That you guidance from above would impart that person to me
Who shows up, no matter
Who would never think to hurt me
Who would never make me feel unworthy
They would neither thrive on goodbye
Nor debauch at hello

The explorer
I delved deeper inside of myself
As though I was discovering the Titanic
Silenced for so long beneath the murky waters
I reached for her
By the tender, exquisite little girl that emerged

© Kim Friesen

Moments spent between us
A long time ago
Yet despite that
My thoughts still linger
On your retreatThat day you walked away
Is etched deep into the crevices of my heart
Like a needle
On an old record player
After the last song has ended
It continues to spinSunny days
Try to temper
The inevitable threat of rainfall and clouds
Reflect the colors and thoughts in my mind
A rainbow of light
Yet despite their attempts
More often than not
Memories tumble, inward
To try to paralyze meI wish it would all just fade away
Disappear into a veil of white
And that I could
Learn the process
To walk away
IntactI miss youSearching for light
That I know I will never find
I prepare myself
Heart clenched
My feelings awashed
As my heart breaks once more© Kim Friesen

From 2016 Newsletter – Volume 2

Within your words
My breath, superficial
My heart, blackened,
Stale and frigid
It beats
In time
To the grandfather clock
That sits in the hallway,
Tick tock, tick tock

My brain, impassioned,
Is immersed in sounds that surround me
Distant voices
A crow’s caw
The singing of a beetle, just out of sight
A rumble of an engine
They distract me

You sit right beside me
But I do not hear your voice
I watch as your mouth moves
Back and forth
Up and down
Yet hear nothing that
Falls off of your tongue

I stare at you
Like a ceramic, blue eyed doll
From the 1800s,

I focus now on a butterfly
That flies just outside the window
We sit beside
Silent yet free from its cocoon
I find myself envious
Imprisoned in my own fate
I look back at you once more
Desperate to bring back my focus

You look deep into my eyes
Your mouth pursed
As your pooling brown eyes squint
Insistent to impale the curtain
Which my fragile blue eyes have put up
To veil my soul from you

You reach out to touch me
Your finger tips brush my leg, remindful
As you try make me say something
Only a solitaire tear
Rolls gently
Down my eyes
The only acknowledgment
That I do feel you
I can provide

You reach your hand up
And perceptibly wipe it away
And I try to smile for you

The torture you exude from inside of yourself
Sends shivers down my spine

I try to speak out
But the comfort of the old, stained blanket
That surrounds me keeps me hidden
The words I want to breathe
Will inevitably
Hurt you
So I silence them
Hold my breath
Taste each letter on my tongue
As they try to reach out to my lips
So I can squash the words which try to come forth

The incessant stabling at my insides
Like the wounded bird I once saw try to fly
While I waked along the ocean
Before the eagle stole its breath away
I try hard to ignore the inevitable
Try to suppress my thoughts
Into the recesses
Of my mind
That I can not find a way to let you down

Oh how I know this will hurt you

The scent of fresh, green mowed grass
As the smell of cookies baking in some neighboring house
Fills me
With reason
That no matter what
Life will go on

Whispers of hope
As I hold onto myself
Knowing that
The next moment
Will change my life

The time is over
And I must decide
Only I know what will be the outcome
And for this … I feel you quiver …

© Kim Friesen

From 2016 Newsletter – Volume 1

Eclipsed moments
Shadowed by age
Cobweb that piece of me
We left to wither in the graveyard of my mind
Until this momentWords
Words once spoken
Rise up; death reborn
As I close my eyes tighter
Desperate to purge and eviscerate
All that was said between us
Reminders of every word
In each sentence
That fell
From my tongue that day
Are set on an endless loop
As I feel my insides clench
And my frail hands reach up
Urged to clasp and smother;
Erase both truths and lies that I spoke to youYet today
I know well enough
That I alone cannot tame them
That without you they will
Mingle in the outer circle
Of the words that may never be spoken
As I sit here alone; I tremble; solicitous
My envelope of memories perched, precarious
Next to a vision
Of a jewel encrusted golden sword – luminous
It waits
On a large, square granite stone
Its handle pointed towards me
I hear its silent call
Placed to prompt and tempt me
To pick it up and swing it
To eradicate that piece of self-hatred
To sever these recollections for eternityA juxtaposition
A cross road
Tiny bridges that I didn’t think I could cross over
Call me
Open, exposed, fractured, broken; undeniable
I visit the blighted pictures in my head
Sift through them
Despite the discomfort
Tears fall, unhurried
As I let them
Stain my cheeks
As life’s mirror reflects
That which you do not know
Failed attempts that I shattered
Before I let them touch you
They were intent to define me to you
Even though they held no truth
Stranded and abandoned by others
I drowned you
And watched as the last time
You went under the water, with such ease
Though at first you flailed
Unaware that
You were forsaken
I turned my back, so you could not see my face
Gifted with sacrifice
No one taught me how to trust
I picked myself up and with a wind of words
I turned and pushed you out of my life
I watched you as your belief in me was eradicated
Like a dried, crusty, colorless leaf
Fallen from the mighty oak
I picked you up and watched
As my fingers slowly crushed you
I reveled
In the feeling of dis-compassion
Of surrender to conflict, to a path well worn, familiar
To return to my fortress that I’d built years ago
To possess and protect me
Tonight though
As I stare
At the rocks that mark your virtual grave
I marvel now how each of them
Seem to teeter
© Kim Friesen

Remember to check out my Current Newsletter and Past Newsletters tabs for more thought provoking and life changing reading!