Poetry – 2017 Newsletters – Volume 2

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The poetry that follows is taken from each one of my newsletters – enjoy!

After reading them, check out my Current Newsletter and Past Newsletters tabs.  Each poem below is tied to its newsletter, filled with interesting and thought-provoking reading content I know you’ll appreciate and enjoy 🙂

From 2017 Newsletter – Volume 2

Life’s shadows haunt me, intent to
Dissect; Rape; Then Murder
My essence and wisdom

A requiem is held
Paralyzed I stand helpless
As the attendant leads me to the cold, steel seat
I sit down, desolate

The red velvet curtain that has sheltered my being
Lifts as the shadow voices that are constant in my ears
Convert to images of my past
Deep poisonous daggers of hatred and lies
Are gouged upon my heart again, relentless
Infected by others abandonments and sins

I feel the tape being pushed down hard upon my mouth
As my ears ring and my heart falls to my stomach
I understand that the purpose of today is not to destroy me
But instead to quell my voice
For the truth cannot touch my lips
Its mark would only squash their denials
And the Band-Aids placed over the truth would dissolve

They do not want me to speak of their actions
For authenticity does not belong here

The child within me twirls her hair around her fingers
As she stares out vacant, immobile
She remembers too
No matter who tells her not to
Tortured; Suspicious; She Flies Solo
Memories squeeze her heart
As the air is sucked from her lungs and her lips turn blue
Stone-faced, her eyes narrow, her mouth purses
She stares at me, defiant

I try to reach out to wrap my arms around her
An expert, she slips through each finger, insolent
Her touch escapes me with ease
I stand and hold my arms out for her to run into
She knows though that emotions persecute
That hope divides
So she runs away from me

A cartoon of my childhood flashes through my brain now
Road Runner watching Wile E. Coyote
As he falls with anvil in hand off the cliff, mutilated
Such a familiar feeling in my own tired and worn emotional self

Tears pool at my eyelids, desperate to be released
The child within me
Instead, holds them close to her
She will not let them fall, relentless
Torment is all she has ever known
A tear is but an emotion of hurt to her
It’s pretty much though, the only emotion she’s freely been given
So she hangs on so she can feel what living is like

The truth digs its teeth deep into her pale skin
Her eyes black and sunken, her body rigid
She hunches over like a feral dog who has at last found a meal
Desperate, she will destroy
Anyone who tries to take this morsel from her

The older traumas are tangled branches rooted deep within me
I feel her clutch tighter
As she reaches for and grabs onto my new traumas
She stares out at me, direct and impassive
As she stuffs the foulness deep inside of me
Distaste hovers around her lips
She knows no other way
Dissect; Rape; Then Murder

She will try to destroy me
A mere scapegoat
She will try to take my life
I am cognizant of that
Alone, she wants me to die here
Defeated; Desperate; In Effect Denied
Eternally not worth anything to anyone

The child within trembles
As memories rattle around inside my being that still bothers her
She sifts the fertile soil of deceit before her
As she holds her hands out for more
Her hole of a home that defines her gives her purpose
Be it at my expense

Death by destruction of oneself
Doomed by the story that you are a failure
In the eyes of those who should matter
She looks up at me but hesitates
It is then that I seize the moment
For, at last, I connect with her

Her eyes are blue
Her hair is blonde
Her pigtails make me smile

My hand is spread out beside her
And today she reaches for me
She is delicate as she grabs onto my fingers
And she promises not to let go.

I awaken to see my Reiki guide on the other side of me, hands out.  “You are safe she utters.”
The shadows I saw earlier are behind a barrier now
They cannot touch me

Their spindly black fingers will never grab around my neck again
I shiver despite the warmth of the room
I close my eyes and take a deep, healing breath to center me
Like I have been taught

I pause and allow my breath to exhale, slowly
I am determined

 And open my eyes
No longer black 
To see the shadows have turned into white beings
Feeling more in my body, I look at them as my guide just smiles

Transformed she says are these beings from black into white
Forgiveness has been given
My inner child now lets out a long-held sigh
I hold her tight within my body

Her blue eyes stare out at the world 
At last assured, I will never let her go

© Kim Friesen

My Armour

My armor encases me,
Vivid and true,
It protects me

Years of battle
Years of torment
Years of assault on my person
Forces me to stand stronger

That thin layer of armor, the shelter for my inner being, protective

Scars and wounds emblazon my soul
My armor made it possible for me to survive
I earned every scratch, scrape and hole it bears
They remind me that I am human, more so that I am a survivor

My armor does not define me
But shields me when my heart is in recovery

My armor
Vivid and True
Will protect me, no matter

People who live in the glass houses
Forget that my stones destroy
And I don’t regret when I destroy
Or throw them
Because it was you who took this sensitive person down that road of distaste
And it was you who threw the first stone

I am a warrior and a warrior I will always be

© Kim Friesen